Stun Guns vs Frying Pans

"You're supposed to be dead!" Zak stared at his opponent. "I think that it's time we went to extreme measures."

The teen chucked his weapon across the room, ignoring the other items that went crashing to the floor.

How did this situation come to be, you may ask? Well, it all started when Zak forgot to put on his glasses.

"Excuse me, it's not my fault my author decided to spontaneously chuck them into a river to make my plot more interesting. You could've written me a nice, quiet day, but instead I'm here, facing off with my arch nemesis."

That is hardly a fitting description, Zak. Stop being so dramatic.

"You're the one sending me on this quest. And you made me who I am, so really you should be talking to yourself."

Shush. We need to get back to the plot. The readers will be bored if you talk too much.

Zak opened his mouth to argue, but duct tape appeared and slapped itself over his mouth.

Much better. Now, go on, Zak, show these people your wonderful fighting skills.

He rolled his eyes but went into the kitchen. A moment later, he reappeared, holding a frying pan.

Really? You couldn't come up with something better than that? You literally have a stun gun lying on your coffee table and you went for this option?

He shrugged.

Get on with it then.

Zak lunged forward, smacking the metal into the wall, putting a huge dent in the plaster.

You missed.

He swung again, barely brushing the spider that crawled away from him, up towards the ceiling.

A few swings later, Zak stood fuming, glaring at the spider now out of his reach, appearing to smirk at him from the ceiling.

"I will defeat you." Zak pulled a chair over, perching on the seat and reaching up with the frying pan.

Not the brightest idea.

Zak brandished the frying pan, aimed for the spider, and fell ever so gracefully from the chair.

You are such an idiot.

Zak glared up at the ceiling.

Are you glaring at me or the spider? Cause if it's me, I can add another two weeks to your journey with just a few sentences. Don't test me.

A chime came from the door, signaling a visitor.

Finally, someone with common sense.

The door slid open, and Amanda appeared. "Hey Zak, I managed to retrieve your glasses." She handed them to the boy, watching as he put them on.

She glanced up at the ceiling. "Zak, pass me your stun gun. There's a massive spider on your ceiling, and it looks like it wants to eat you."

Zak followed her gaze and went pale. The spider, which he could now see clearly, was of the Riesenwolfspinne species, approximately a foot long on a bad day and six inches on a good.

You shouldn't have made that comment last chapter. I could've made it a good day.

Zak stood silently, watching as the spider crept over their heads.

"Zak, where is.." Amanda spotted the stun gun, grabbed it, and quickly shot the spider. The carcass fell to the floor, squelching when it hit.

That's how you should have done it.

Zak slumped in a chair, Amanda sitting down beside him. She observed the dents in the walls and the discarded frying pan.

"I can see she got bored."

Hello, I'm right here.

Amanda shrugged. "You could have worked on getting us out of our current situation and instead you spent time on this short scenario."

Writer's block is a thing. Chill out, I'll rescue you guys, eventually.

"As in three years?"

The more you talk, the longer it goes.

"That's not my problem."

I have to write the stuff you say. Stop talking and I can stop typing this and work on your story.

Amanda leaned back in her chair. "Remove the duct tape and we have a deal."

The duct tape caught fire, Zak swatting at his face until the plastic fell off. He rubbed his skin, checking to make sure he wasn't burned.

Don't worry, I wouldn't hurt my favorite character.

Amanda and Zak froze.

I admitted that, didn't I. Forget what I just revealed. I'll start working on getting you guys out now.

Zak smirked. "We won't be forgetting this. You gave us minds of our own, remember?"

Well, technically, you guys started this, so-

"Just get back to work on our story, alright? And we won't talk to the others about how you admitted who your favorite was. I would hate to have Arridet or Jairen find out."

I'm being blackmailed by my characters. How did it get to this?

"Procrastination."

Right. I'll go work on your story now.

"Smart move."